When your jar isn’t empty

You may be familiar with Covey’s model of time management, where our day is like an empty jar that we have to fill by putting our most important commitments first (large rocks), before adding less important things (smaller rocks and sand).

But as a woman with a family, I know I don’t start with an empty jar each day that I can decide to fill with big or little activities. And I’m sure I’m not alone in this.

Covey’s absolutely right that we need to make room for the things that matter. But for many of us, our reality is that there are dozens of things we can’t avoid having in our jars, things that others are counting on or will demand from us. Not to mention a whole deluge of expectations that weigh heavy on our shoulders.

And so no matter how much we are drawn to what we want to prioritise, however much we try to put that rock into our jar first, we find it’s already half clogged up with sand.

And then we often blame ourselves, thinking if only we were better at managing our time we’d find time for the things that are important, that we’re at fault for not being able to apply these nice models to our lives. But I’d say the problem isn’t in us, it’s that Covey’s model was built for someone who has more control over what goes in their jar.

So what can we do? I’ve written quite a few posts about this already, tagged messybutpractical, but here are a couple of basic ideas:

• Break up the important rocks so we can fit them in more easily. Exercise snacking is a great example of this, or breaking down our big projects into simple steps that can be fitted in more easily. Essentially, making things that matter easier to fit into the gaps.
• Scoop out a bit of sand by delegating a task to someone or something else.
• Notice what the slow drip of unrealistic expectations is costing us, and pushing back so we can redefine what matters to us.

It would be lovely if we could all live our lives like a CEO who arrives at his desk with a clean slate in the morning. Or plan our training like a professional athlete who has nothing else to do but get better at their sport.

But our messy lives can become a bit easier if we stop judging ourselves for not running our lives using models designed for people with empty jars.

And coming up with messy but practical solutions that work for the jarful that each day brings us.

I’ve seen people struggle with this time and time again in my coaching, and it’s an important part of my job as coach to help them make sure that any plan for a change is accompanied by a strategy for making that change fit into their lives.